Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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