Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
