Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
