Im at strip club and am horny
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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