1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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