I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
