I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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