I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
