holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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