Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
