Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
