I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
