please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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