so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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