So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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