Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sarcasm needs its own font
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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