I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
