we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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