You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
