She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You are the jesus of drinking
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
