when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
