Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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