Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
soo... how was my night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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