Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
