how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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