I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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