My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
