Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
