I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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