I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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