I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They are going to name an STD after you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
