just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
