wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
