Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
