Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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