I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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