We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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