Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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