Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
