When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
