i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
