atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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