the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
