i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
