She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
