is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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