Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
