how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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