Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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