last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
