Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
