Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i think i just lost a toe
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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