I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
organizing the empties. That sober.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
