If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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