3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
