Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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