i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
