I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
