so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
