i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
