I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
