Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He? As in you personified your dick?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
