do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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