The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
me + whiskey = a bad person
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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