I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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